Pain and fear

Well, I don't know why very well, but... since somedays I feel sad. I tried to ignore it, and I tried to be as better as possible, but yesterday the pain was stronger, and although I tried to ignore it, finally I was crying.
When I woke up this morning, I though I was better, but the truth is that I still feel a very big pain, and although I am at work now, a few minutes before I was on the point of cry again.

The pain is in my soul, and I feel this pain like a very deep and strong wound wich is hidden in my heart, and that suddenly wanted to go out. Maybe to try to hide and to ignore that makes this wound go out much stronger... But the truth is that at first I didn't find a specific reason of that, and I didn't want to be sad at all, because what I want is make happy each others with my own happiness energy, so... Well, I know perfectly it's very bad to hide sadness etc, and I don't allow my friends to do that. But I have a different behaivour with myself, I know it's not so much objective, but I don't want my friends to be worried, actually, sometimes I feel I am making them be worried so much. I am too much sensitive, I am too much different, I have been too much hurt,and now I am living a strange time of changes, some of them very good, but other of them, bad and confused, so I am sometimes very hurt, and I don't want to carry my friends to this sadness.

Maybe I can guess a little why this pain. I feel I am loosing a very closed friend... This friend changed his behaivour to me too much. I feel since lot of weeks, maybe more than two months that he is not the same person with me. And he is showing me that more and more... Although I spoke him about that... But it's the same how much I speak him about problems, it's always the same, and it's becoming worse... He loves to do just what they want always, and he has showed me too much times he is too much coward to faced situations. He is angry lot of times for things wich hasn't sense, and then he tries to avoid all. He really wants sometimes to be with me and to help, but then, when I really need help, he is not there. Last weeks I feel he is so far, I feel he doesn't care of me, and I feel he is avoiding me again and again. I feel I loose him more and more. I trusted him a lot in the past, and I tried always to trust him a lot although sometimes he said and did things that could make me stop to trust him. Now, I don't trust him at all... he has showed too much that I can't trust him, and actually, he has never trust me and he always said that.
I tried to trust him a lot because I felt I should trust.
Anyway, I am still trying to keep him, but...

And this situation, also made me being super super super super super super super afraid of loose other friends.

I can't endure imagine it

I love them SO MUCH, and I feel too much love for some of them, I think the fear of that hurt me too much and makes me feel a terible wound.
I wanna shout. I wanna shout and try to throw out this pain.

Maybe because of that I feel alone too, sometimes of today and yesterday...
But I am not alone.
In the past, I was alone, but now not.

And I don't forget it ^^

I have people who always care of me, and I have to give special gratitude to my angel because of that. Actually, there aren't words to express it.

I still don't know if I'll tell it to somebody... (I think only one friend read my blog ^^UU)
Maybe I should... oh, anyway, I think to write it here, made me feel a little bit better.
I hope I will get to be fine soon ^^

I have to be happy!

I am baaaack! :)

Hiiiii! ^o^ (Sometimes I don't know if I am really talking or saying hi to someone, because I don't know if there are people who read my blog but... I like to think so XDD)

I am back from my holidays! ^o^ Well, the truth is that I arrived two weeks before now, but... ^^U I was so busy to write here. Or maybe I had better things to do ^^UU
(I should be more responsible with my blog ^^U I know. For me it's not easy to have a blog, as I said ^^UUUUU)

Well, The journey was terrible, I mean, I had lot of problems in the airports and I had a horrible time going by plane (I go by plane a lot but... I don't like ^^ I have fear)
But the time I was in the south of Spain was... TOO MUUUUUUCH WONDERFUL! I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT!! *o*

First I was with my angel, although short time... T_T But It's WONDERFUL that I finally could meet my angel face to face!! *o* And it was ABSOLUTELY AWESOOOOME! I'll never forget that!! T_T Oooh, I miss my angel TOO MUCH

and then, I went to my cyber sis house, and it was ABSOLUTELY GREAT TOO! o(^o^)o
We had a super super super great time! Hahaha! ^^ And we recorded too much crazy videos XDD I didn't want to be back at home again! T_T

Ooooh, I think it was the best journey of my life!! ^^ Haha!

BUT I MISS THEM TOO MUCH!! T_T

I finally could eat lot of Japanese food :) AND I CAN SAY I LOVE THAT!! XD (Thing that I already guess, but I couldn't say for sure because before this journey I only had eatten Ramen and Pockys XDD But now I can say for sure I LOVE Japanese food! *o*

Various people said to me "Japanese food is... weird and horrible :S" And I knew I would like that! ^o^ Well, it's very different (although it's much more similar to Spanish food than people think) but I LOVE THAT!! *o* Maybe because I am weird too? Hahaha! XD Noooo, it's delicious anyway! But maybe some tastes are difficult to assimilate for some people ^^
Anyway SUPER DELICIOUS! *o*

To be back here was hard T_T some old problems appeared again, etc... but I could meet and speak again with friends I couldn't speak when I was traveling and I missed them too much so I was super super happy for that too! ^o^

WAAAA! It's not fair! T_T My cyber sis won't can go to Manga's event of Barcelona this year, so we can't meet... T___T Although maybe she will visit me when I am in Japan for around two weeks! Oh, it would be super great! *o* I hope so!!
Aaaand my angel will go to Manga's eveeeent!! ^o^ YEAAAH! I will can meet my angel agaaaaain!! >.< GREAAAAT! *o* to tell the truth, it's my biggest motivation to go there this year! o(^o^)o

Oooh, this post is too long, I think... XD
Soooo I will stop it here!! o(^o^)o

WONDERFUL HOLIDAYS!! ^^
I am working again... XDDD haha! But I am saving money to go to Japaaaan! ^o^

See yoooou dear!! ^o^ (who read that XD)

:)